I like long walks in the hallway, firm hip squeezes, and gentle exams.

Dear OB, 

I've heard you have an opening on your schedule. I've also heard that you find my insurance coverage to be appealing. I've talked with others who had past relationships with you and I'm intrigued. I'm thinking it may be time to take the next step, but before I am more fully committed to you, I have a few questions that will help me decide our compatibility.

- What are your philosophies about this whole situation?

I need to know if we're on the same page... or even in the same book. (Do you see birth as a medical process, a natural process, etc.? What do you see your role as?)

- Do you have time for me?

I want to know that you value our relationship. I don't want to feel brushed off or hurried through an appointment. (What does a typical appointment with you usually look like.)

- Will you support my dreams and goals?

There are certain things that are important to me during this experience. I know that we may not see eye to eye on every detail, but it's imperative to me that I feel supported by you. (How do you feel about my birth plan? Do you foresee any problems? How much choice do you think I should have in the process?)

- Tell me a bit about your past relationships.

I try not to compare myself with others, but I'd like to know a bit about how your past relationships have worked out. (What is your cesarean rate? How do you handle breech birth? What are your thoughts on weight gain during pregnancy?)

- I have a history. Are we going to be able to work through it?

(What is your belief on VBAC? Do you treat pregnancy after loss any differently? I’m kind of old… does that matter?)

- Are you one of those 'wham, bam, thank you' sort of people or do you prefer to move a little more slowly?

While I'd like this to be a lasting relationship, I know that there is a time when the real fireworks will happen.  I'm curious what the end looks like. (At what gestation do you recommend induction? Are there certain factors that make an induction necessary in your opinion? What if I don't want to be induced?)

- Are you a good listener?

I know I'm not the only one you're currently seeing and I'm sure it's hard to keep each story straight, but I need to know that when I talk, you hear me. Oh, and I would really like to know that you'll glance at my chart before talking to me. We can at least pretend that you remembered what I said on the last visit.

There's an interesting belief in our society. 

My friends seem to think that once they've seen a doctor, OB, dentist, midwife, etc, that they are now in a committed relationship with the medical provider. While I appreciate the loyalty that is involved in that belief, I'm afraid I see the situation in a very different way.

Dear OB,

I want to make this relationship work- especially with the amount of time that we have invested into each other. But my body, my birth, and my experience are important to me. If things just aren't working between us, it's ok for me to move on to a relationship that seems to be a better fit for me. I'm not saying it's you. It could very well be me. Either way, I have to make the decisions that my heart and brain say are best.

Pacific Northwest Doulas works alongside OBs and Midwives in Eugene, Salem, and Portland, Oregon.