Pregnancy comes with a bunch of emotions. Excitement, joy, and, let’s be honest… a bit of overwhelm. How many different strollers are there to choose from?! Why do the Amazon reviews on every baby product differ so drastically?!

Choosing a doula shouldn’t be as hard as reading all the consumer reports on carseats. AND choosing the right person to be in such an intimate space IS a big decision. Deciding on a doula can’t necessarily be done based off Google reviews. Different personalities fit with different people.

Let’s break it down:

1. They Should Make You Feel Calm (Not Stressed)

A doula’s job is to bring you comfort, reassurance, and support — not more stress. When you meet with a doula, notice how you feel in your brain and body. Do you feel relaxed? Understood? Like you’re in good hands? Or do you feel more anxious? You shouldn’t have to work to like your doula — it should come naturally.

When your doula arrives, they should make everything seem just a little more manageable.

2. No Need for a Dozen Interviews

If you’re finding yourself scheduling 5 or 6 interviews with different doulas, pause for a moment. The right doula doesn’t require a long, drawn-out process.

Instead, spend time on their website and social media first. Does the language they use resonate with you? Do they align with your values? Are they open in their communication about their process and pricing? Trust your gut — it’s usually spot on when it comes to people you want to invite into your personal space.

3. Experience Is Important, But So Is Personality

Sure, experience definitely matters. You want a doula who knows how to doula — someone who is educated and well-prepared for any situation. But personality and connection is just as important. Think of it this way: Your doula will be there through one of the most personal and transformative experiences of your life. You want someone who not only has the knowledge but also connects with you on a personal level.

Are they someone you can easily talk to? Someone who listens to your needs without judgment? Do they respect your decisions and make you feel empowered? These things matter just as much as experience.

4. They Should Be Flexible and Respect Your Choices

A doula’s job is to support your birth, whatever that looks like. They should never push their own agenda or make you feel like there’s a “right way” to do things. Whether you’re planning an unmedicated birth, an epidural, or a planned cesarean — your doula should be there to support your choices. They should listen to your birth plan and help you feel confident in your decisions.

If a doula has bias around birth choices, it’s often visible on their website and social media.

5. It’s All About That Instant Connection

Here’s the truth: the right doula will just click with you. You’ll know it. The connection doesn’t need to be forced. You don’t need to “interview” multiple doulas or go through a lengthy vetting process. When the right one walks into your home or hops on a Zoom call, you’ll feel it. You’ll relax.

Trust your instincts, go with someone who makes your shoulders relax from the moment you meet them.

You’ll know.

Choosing a doula is about finding someone who makes you feel heard, supported, and ready for your birth. You’re looking for someone who adds confidence, and does it without overwhelming you. It’s about that instant sense of calm and connection. You’ll know who that person is.