Sex After Baby
Imagine that you’ve just given birth and suddenly you are expected to think about when you’ll be having sex again.
Panic might set in, or you might be eager to get back under the sheets. What we want you to know is that both feelings are completely healthy and normal.
Sex after baby falls into that spectrum we like to call “Variations of Normal.”
What might feel right for you, may not be right for the next person. To make this intimate conversation feel less awkward for you and your partner we’ve compiled a “Things to ask” list to help you determine when sex and intimacy are right for you.
1.) Time.
How much time has passed since you delivered your baby? The standard recommendation is 4-6 weeks. There is a higher risk of complication or infection, the first two weeks after you’ve had your baby. Giving your body time to heal from possible surgery, bleeding, and tears is instrumental in returning to a comfortable sex life. Healing your body is a top priority.
2.) Hormones.
What role do hormones play in the 4th trimester?
You just went on the ride of your life, and created a new life with your body. Your body delivered that baby, but it required hormones to do it. Hormones are also necessary in the postpartum period. The hormone Prolactin (the hormone needed to make milk) is high, and can have tremendous effects on your Dopamine (happy hormones). Progesterone levels are gone, and they typically don’t come back until your menstrual cycle comes back. With this Prolactin/Progesterone imbalance, a new parent may find themselves on an emotional merry go round that leaves one feeling less interested in sex.
3.) Pain.
Will it hurt? Possibly. Take some precautions, and be aware that you may have to explore some alternatives. Vaginal dryness is a common outcome being newly postpartum, and may require the use of lubricants. (Pro Tip: Your provider may have excellent lubricant recommendations.) When navigating a body that now may be producing milk and/or possibly recovering from tears or surgery, keep in mind that things might feel different down there. Nerve sensation could be different, and it can take time to adjust to this new normal.
4.) Talking.
How do we talk about sex when everything is so new? It’s funny that the same thing that probably created this baby, sex, is also the same thing that might make everyone feel a little weird once baby arrives. Will my partner still find me attractive? Will it feel good? What if I just don’t want to? What if we fight about readiness? The only way to determine most of these answers is to talk about it. Clear communication around sex can help to eliminate expectations and resentments. It’s normal to feel shy and overwhelmed about what sex after baby might look like when you have a tiny human that requires so much of you. Ask one another questions like, “What would it look like if we did this?” Talking with your partner about intercourse alternatives can be incredibly powerful in creating intimacy.
5.) Intimacy.
How do we get intimate without sex? Intimacy is a remarkably powerful relationship connection. If you’re not quite ready to get down to business, find ways to create intimacy with your partner. Spending quality time with one another builds your intimacy bank. Send one another texts, leave little notes of encouragement on hard days, remind one another how much value each of you bring to one another's lives. Expressing affection is a simple way to be intimate with your partner.
When it comes to sex after baby know that until you are ready to get back under the sheets, it’s okay to ask more questions, create more intimacy, and take your time.