When Your "Village" Fails

"It takes a village to raise a child." - African Proverb

Sit down and get comfy with me for a minute. Grab a cup of coffee (and maybe some snacks) because we need to chat. We need a little 'come to Jesus' around here.

Ready?

Our villages aren't safe anymore.

I was sitting with a mom recently and talking about life with a newborn and how very hard it has been. Feeding her baby has been intensely difficult. As she was talking with me, her body language and tone of voice changed as she shamefully said, "I'm giving him formula because nothing else is working."

Shamefully.

Think about that again. She felt SHAME over her need to feed her baby in a way that kept the entire household sane.

Where is her village?

Three weeks ago, I sat with the mom of a 6 month old. We sipped coffee and chatted about how exhausting parenting is. We talked about the sleepless nights and how surprisingly well we survive on very little rest. And then, as before, her tone of voice and facial expression changed as she said, "We've decided to do some sleep training. We just can't keep doing this anymore."

Said with shame. Again.

Where is her village?

​​Another mom messaged me recently. "I've decided I just can't go back to work. I just can't do it all right now. One of my co-workers had some choice words about that decision."

Choice words? Like shaming?

Where is her village?

​​Due to social media, our "village" has grown tremendously. Our village is at our fingertips all day, every day.

But our village is hurting people.

Our village judges parents for their choices.

Our village makes blanket statements about parenting decisions.

Our village brings shame.

Dear Village,

We can do better. Actually, we MUST do better.

Let's lay a new foundation in our village. A foundation that says this parenting stuff is HARD... no matter which parenting methods, strategies, decisions, etc, we choose.

We don't all have to raise our children the same way to agree that the smoke and mirrors we often see on social media isn't reality.

The reality is that we are ALL struggling.

We are ALL making the decisions we feel are best for our children and our family.

We are ALL doing the best that we know to do.

Let's take the shame out of our village and focus on the common ground of PARENTING IS STINKIN' HARD.

Will you be a part of the change; a change that makes our villages so much safer?

Please? We need you.

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Annie Willems is the wife of 1 and the parent of 4. As the co-owner of Pacific Northwest Doulas and a doula, she is passionate about offering unbiased support to all families.